No. of runs: measly 2
No. of cakes: too many (5 this week!)
No. of times I have been enlightened this week: about 45 and counting!
As a girl I can admit that my understanding of men and their behaviour is as limited as my knowledge on the theory of relativism- i.e I know nothing about them! I don’t pretend to understand them either- as my fellow single girls will agree, we don’t understand why they behave or do certain things which is why us girls can be heard anywhere from the supermarket, over dinner with friends, or over coffee, declaring “I just don’t understand why he does that”?! or something to that effect. Men can also be heard over pints (probably) or talking to their friends with equally baffled faces and confused tones such as “Well I don’t understand why she reacts like that” etc. And so this cycle of not understanding each other continues and is then further confused by our dear friends (male or female) who only mean to help or shed light on your issues by then planting new and even more baffling suggestions to try to offer an explanation to your conundrums.
The thing is, despite the regular moaning’s from both sexes about the other, we need this difference between men and women which is why we work so well- the saying opposites attract couldn’t be more true! Recently I have been heard whining to friends about a certain man in my life being very much AWOL since starting his dream job, now as I stated to him I understood completely that his focus and attention needed to be solely on his training and I was rational enough to prepare for silence from him….until I spoke to my girls.
When discussing the said silence on his behalf they all agreed (with each other) that actually, this is rude and everyone has at least 5 minutes a day to spend sending a text to say ‘Hi, how are you?’ even if you are snowed under and completely stretched for 12 hours a day, there will be a window where you sit and watch TV, look at twitter/ facebook/ emails etc. etc and so what was a quick message to show you were thinking of them….this did not help! The distance or lack of communication can make a person feel totes (sorry!) rejected and you begin to think they really are not interested and are letting you down in a kind ‘Sorry, its not you its me’ sort of way- we’ve all been there! So where previously my own experience and my friends negative view on the situation would have usually told me to wake up and realise he just isn’t that into me.. I decided to ignore their pessimistic opinions and instead of siding with them and letting the ‘wine loon’ take charge of the situation by letting him know exactly how I felt after a few glasses of wine, I took the advise of a lovely work colleague which was to read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ by John Gray. Before I took any kind of action (with or without wine) I gratefully accepted her book and started reading with a very open mind….
Firstly, I am well aware that said book by Mr Gray is 16 years old and by no means a new revelation but those who have read it will totally agree- it is far from being outdated and still makes perfect sense! In fact as soon as I started reading it things began to make sense! It was literally like a mini enlightenment on every page and I found myself agreeing (out loud) with everything! The more I read the more I understood why women react a certain way to men’s behaviour and vis versa. One example (relevant to my situation) of certain issues that often occur between men and women involves egos and the very different way we deal with our relationships. According to Mr Gray women base their success and happiness directly on their relationships. They need to feel loved and express their feelings, their egos tend to be based on the success of their relationships whereas men feel their job and work life is most important and their egos are totally focused on success at work and find it hard to focus anywhere else. My point drawn from this section is that when focusing on their jobs they forget to maintain anything else and this causes their relationships to suffer. Even friendships and their family relationships take a back seat as they ‘Venture into their cave’…apparently! So if the woman in their life understands how important it is for them to solve the work issue and succeed professionally, and accepts they will be AWOL until such time as the job calms then peace and order will be restored.
Now, I can see how this could sound like a load of hippy crap about harmony and ‘understanding the needs of your loved one’ and it may even seem obvious but I had never considered before that men are not actually being selfish and thoughtless when they don’t reply to you or you haven’t heard from them for a few days because things in their life have become difficult or challenging….I always thought like a woman (obviously) and therefore took it personally, and that was where I was going wrong! Just from reading the first 100 pages of this fabulous book I have managed to see where all my previous relationships with men have gone wrong and why. As a true optimist I am also secretly hoping the advice from this book is true and I am not simply being a mug by believing Mr Gray’s theory……only time will tell