An ‘Ask the nation’

Recently some of my single friends have decided to take action on their slow-moving love-lives, and more importantly on rather mundane Friday nights in, and have joined dating sites in the hope they will find someone to fill an evening or two. One of my dear friends in particular was rather excited when she got thousands of messages of eager boys (seems online dating is a full-time job in itself!) and carefully filtering through the ‘applicants’ she vetted the more suitable ones for her until she found ‘The one’ for now!

Skip forward a cute ‘Dog-walking’ date and several coffee-shop meets and she began to realise that despite their nice dates and easy conversation that he is actually Mr bunny-boiler, Officer ‘Cray’ of Crazy Town; population- HIM. Unfortunately it has become apparent (after his subtle mention of her meeting his parents) after only the second date that he is rather too full-on but it was his third date behaviour that tipped my friend into a rather uncomfortable situation in which she has no other choice but to bin him off. The crime that led him here I hear you ask? Well….

He had decided it was appropriate to…wait for it….

design their future house. The house he imagined they would have together. After their third date he had actually designed a proper architectural- scaled drawing of their future home. And as if this wasn’t enough to send any sane single-girl running for the hills he then proceeded to inform my dear (panic-stricken) friend where their children’s bedrooms would be and which room would be best to host Christmas dinner…..

This actually happened.

Understandably she now needs to do the decent thing and chuck him- immediately! But as having previously been on the receiving end of some rather sudden ‘bin-off’ texts ourselves we put this to debate over dinner last night; To text or not to text? That is the question!

I am very much on the side of letting people down in the nicest way and even though its hard to have that conversation face to face whether you’ve had three dates or been together for years, you owe it to them to be honest and up front in person. However she doesn’t want to see him again, probably in fear he’ll propose or something, so I said the next best thing is to call up this ‘precious’ boy and let him down gently on the phone. Also avoids the awkward cry-face moment that no doubt would happen with him and my dear friend can go back to dating non- crazy types, I have heard there are still some out there.

This is the right thing to do surely?! Calling is the next best step and will make her look like a good person but at the same time gets the message across, again avoiding the crying face I imagine him to pull after being chucked for being far too keen. Perhaps I am also slightly sympathetic towards this otherwise unstable individual as I recently received a text from The Pilot along these actual lines…’I realised I couldn’t motivate myself to have dinner with you let alone motivate myself to see you in the future’. A text. No call to explain, or even a pity date face to face. Just a text. I certainly hadn’t pulled a stunt like Captain Crazy either and yet our rather fabulous international dates had been reduced down to one bin-off text. Still all great things come to an end sooner or later……

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7 thoughts on “An ‘Ask the nation’

  1. As an avid reader of this blog and fellow single girl I find these blogs to be a pretty true representation of today’s somewhat strange and very complicated world of dating! I have experienced dates, being binned off, binning off and receiving plain weird messages, in my opinion it is best to be honest with the other person guy or girl and tell them preferably in person or over the phone if you are ‘binning them off’ instead of taking the cowards way and either a) simply not responding or b) texting and hoping never to hear from them again! By speaking to the other person they can ask questions and provide some sort of closure on both sides instead of things going into limbo! 

    Wilde I think you are being over sympathetic to this clearly delusional boy, why is ot that some ‘men/boys’ (a sweeping generalisation) feel that because a girl talks to them or is nice and pays them some attention that they are really into them and completely misread the signals as i fear ‘officer cray’ has. As an architect myself I have plans for what my ideal house would look like however if I was to discuss it on a second date and then alter and bring plans to a third date (a simple and quick job) i would be called completely crazy, and would most likely not hear from the guy again!! 

    Mum I would have to agree with you that the first type of boy is the worst and fear that ‘the pilot’ falls into this self centred, self obsessed, tactless wanker category and obviously can’t see what he has thrown away through a measly text! It’s the 21st century and the sharing and openness of feelings is widely accepted, these people should just man up and face their problems head on!

  2. You always entertain me with your SJP exploits! I thought I might weigh in with a male perspective: I agree that a face to face ending is certainly the best way to end it, but it isn’t always possible. This guy obviously thought that your friend was looking for something very serious early on and maybe your friend gave the impression of wanting to be in a serious relationship too, so he misjudged obsessive as romantic, but maybe he just fell in love with her?! If she managed to just speak to him and tell him he’s moving too fast and that she found it weird, he might back off and use those admirable sentiments in a more appropriate way throughout many years of being together rather than just blurt them out psychotically after the first 2 dates! If they had been a few years down the line and he came up with the house idea I’m sure she’d love it! Just because he has misunderstood his own emotions and let himself get carried away with them and communicated them in such an inept and scary manner doesn’t mean she should write him off completely! Maybe he is an architect and has actually had this house designed for years and he thought he was being sweet now including her in his dream? Its always nice to make plans for the future together! Alternatively maybe ‘officer cray’ does actually have some serious issues that he needs to address, if so I hope he doesn’t read that description of himself! As for ‘the pilot’ it sounds like he is potentially just a callous, tactless wanker, but I think guys get misrepresented sometimes because they find it difficult to talk about their emotions and sometimes they can express themselves better when it is thought out and edited like when written in an email or text. Some of my male friends say things in texts that I really can’t imagine them admitting in person. Men need a bit of coaxing out their shell sometimes but an email is always better than a text! Some of us are not crazy, honest!

  3. Generally I think a face to face ending is better, however – clearly when someone has invested so much on an imaginary relationship they probably won’t cope terribly well actually seeing their ‘beloved’ break their heart and so in this case a phone call would be kinder – at least they can retain their dignity and have the option of cutting off the call if they find it all to painful. I can’t believe there are so many crazy men out there! What is wrong with this generation of young men – they either think they are the center of the universe (I blame the mothers) or they are so needy that they build sandcastles on a kind word or look (again – the mothers!) – certainly the pilot is the first category (and in my view this is the worst type – who do these self obsessed, narcissistic boys think they are – god’s gift?)

thoughts please..

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