As promised daily blogs all about our LADS on tour trip to Ibiza will be written (starting here) as wi-fi was far too difficult to source whilst we were there I will begin blogging post-Ibiza from day one
*memory may or may not be affected by sleep deprivation and alcohol. Readers of a nervous disposition or who are easily offended may want to look away now. Sex, cock and drugs as well as other such debauchery will be mentioned. A lot.
It all started with a rather rude 3am trip to Birmingham airport after spending hours weighing and balancing out our suitcases, a delicate art for seven girls who have a weight limit of 15kg and two weeks’ worth of bikini’s. We arrive at check-in to find that all of our cases are over-weight anyway. Excellent. Que re-packing and holding up the check-in queue. We mosey through and onto a rather child-friendly (ugh) flight to Ibiza which was nothing like we imagined, our idea of Ibiza flight went like this: Lots of LADS beered up, sleep deprived on account staying up the night before in anticipation for their holiday and wearing ridiculous novelty t-shirts with nicknames plastered all over them. Reality of Ibiza flight: A lot of families (go figure) and rather sedate passengers, popular in-flight activity was sleeping and no-one touched the alcohol offered by the air hostess…when did the party start!?
Once landed in sweltering Balearic heat (it remained 33 degrees everyday) we were hustled onto a hot bus where we immediately tucked into sweaty egg sandwiches, starburst and coke only to find the bus was strictly no eating, drinking, singing, smoking etc….. Ibiza has A LOT of rules it seemed. I broke most of them. Once we had checked into our surprisingly ok hotel it was clothes off- bikini’s on. The pool in our hotel was the most popular and would attract large groups of (mainly) boys and girls daily to its cool, inviting depths . We would all congregate on the poolside which was great for mingling, lilo-action and general flirting. Confidence levels are sky-high in Beefa, I assume this coincides with the rock-bottom wine prices at the pool bar. The first group we girls befriended were a lovely bunch of boys from Derby with slightly annoying regional accents but a good sense of lilo fun. This is how we spent our first two days; hanging with them and shamelessly flirting. We were introduced to ‘Tony’ rather quickly….. ‘Tony’ took as all by surprise as ‘Tony‘ was actually what one boy, Ben, called his cock (sorry Mum!) We quickly learnt out there boys just love to let it all hang out…. I saw enough cock to put me off for a life time and that was just by our pool! It was ridiculous, boys stood about on their balcony wearing nothing but sunglasses. Ibiza may have many rules but wearing underwear appears to not be one. This needs reassessing for all our sakes.
We also befriended a very sweet 19yr old called Sean and his friend Paul. They soon became ‘Sean Da Paul’ (original and funny) from day one we looked after them (well- assessed infected wounds, gave dating advice etc.) like they were our little brothers.
As well as exposing themselves to the world, tattoo’s and muscles are also big with men in Ibiza. I mean big muscles and a lot of tattoo’s. Some of our favourites on the first day included a frying pan complete with egg in on a guys bum. Sean’s yellow rave smiley face, also on his bum. A few boys had each others’ names tattooed on various body parts because they were ‘Blood brothers’ (bit extreme) A stick man drawing on Ben (Tony’s owner) which he called Justin Beiber- his favourite line became “Do you want to see Justin Beiber?” and then….Tony would make an appearance. Lots of fun once but after the 5th time, we had better sites to see.
Dinner time came round quickly so we decided to take our poolside hussy behaviour to the next level and went out to dinner with two northern boys who we randomly chatted to (this is how it works in Ibiza- quickly). Dinner consisted of pizza and cheap mojito’s and conversation was even cheaper; we learnt on the first night that ‘Fingering is making a come-back’ (When did it ever leave!?) and about some guy they knew back home who had taken this rather too far and had ‘BFC’ tattooed onto his left bicep. It stood for Blackpool Fingering Club apparently….. Classy
The first night in Ibiza is pretty much like your first night at university or starting a new school; you’re stood all shiny, new and fresh-faced in front of your hotel rep who’s doing a really bad job at selling events to you and because you know nothing of the wonderful yet messy white Isle you agree to handing over 10 euros for a bar crawl in the west end which begins at 9pm. Nothing begins at 9pm in Beefa. You learn this immediately after joining the 9pm bar crawl.
The west end is an experience though like nothing I have ever seen! Its all tacky bright lights, so bright in fact sunglasses are essential to a night out in Ibiza, and annoying PR guys forcibly pouring free jugs of brightly coloured cocktails down your throat in order to coax you into their otherwise rather quiet bar. The bars and clubs in the west end serve only one purpose to ravers in Ibiza: Cheap top-up and pre-drinking-game venues before the super clubs open at 12am; the younger and somewhat uncool siblings of Amnesia, Pacha and Privilege, if you will. However we fell in love with one particular venue, Delilah’s, possibly on account of our third day arrivals (more on them in the third day blog) So would head up to Delilah’s every night bypassing all other bars, unsatisfied until we’d had our gag-inducing hit of a Grand Slam. Delilah’s had everything; Welsh men a plenty, karaoke (yes, we sang) and a dance floor and bar complete with v. generous barman who would give you Grand slams for free if you flashed him your boobs. This would also explain why I never remembered much after leaving Delilah’s, but I always knew though I’d had an excellent time.
As it was our first night we took it in our stride, following around the reps like wide-eyed new kids on the block and absorbing the huge measures of alcohol. As we had all been up for 24 hours we hit up KFC for fuel before heading back to our own beds (novel for some) at about 4am for some well deserved resting. Our routine quickly fell into place and Thursday morning we were up at 10am and poolside ready…..